EARTH'S MIGHTIEST ENNUI

WARNING: The following contains unbridled nostalgia and reflection from a man hurtling rapidly towards the grave.
The cover to Avengers #198 was posted on the Back Issue Magazine Facebook group this morning. This comic is very, very familiar to me. It got me a-ponderin' how our approach to reading comics is so different as a kid and as an ever-so-slightly older adult.
I don't remember when I got Avengers #198 and #199 – they weren't my first comics, but not far off. While my first American comics, not to mention my seminal collection of UK Secret Wars reprints, have long since gone astray, these two issues have persisted, and have remained in my possession for more than 30 years.
When you're a kid getting into comics, your first few issues, regardless of quality, have a particularly potent impact on you. Not just because first impressions are so powerful, but because the tininess of your embryonic collection means that you read the few comics you have over and over and over. I've read these issues dozens of times over the years. I've wallowed in every panel, lingered on every word, been swept along by every action. George Perez's art is amazing, of course, but the overall aesthetic has permeated my brain so deeply that more recent Perez art, with more modern colours, from the 90s Avengers relaunch onwards, looks all wrong to me. For me, Perez demands flat, slightly washed-out colours – there's no rational reason for this. I've just been programmed that way.

There's a sad irony in the fact that, while these comics were instrumental in launching me into a lifelong obsession, they also, in some ways, represent a high point that necessitates an ongoing gradual diminishment of the depth of enjoyment I get from this medium, and therefore a nagging sense of loss. This is partly due simply to sheer volume – when you have a handful of comics that you read over and over, they are your whole world. When you have thousands, half of which you barely remember, you are drowning in sensory input. Plus, increasing distractions, concerns and responsibilities, a more cynical/critical eye, and the decreasing malleability of your brain as you creep towards decrepitude make it harder to become as deeply, intimately enmeshed with art and storytelling as you did as a kid.

All of this means that, no matter how much I may absolutely love a particular comic in the moment – recent favourites include Lazarus, Squirrel Girl, Saga, The Mighty Thor, Paper Girls, Black Panther – ask me a week later and I can barely remember the overall thrust of the story, never mind the minute details of every single panel. The comics reading experience is a constant and increasingly futile quest to achieve the same strength and depth of connection I had with Avengers #198 and #199.

That's not to say that these two issues are the gold standard by which everything else is judged, it's just that they represent a time in which attachment and engagement came easily. I often see geeks of my vintage complain that comics just aren't as good anymore. Sorry, but that's absolute nonsense. There are great comics and terrible comics, just as there always have been.

Comics haven't become crap. You've become old. And that's OK. It happens to us all. 

THE DEFINITVE AND LEGALLY BINDING BUT NOT TECHNICALLY ENDORSED BY MARVEL STUDIOS ULTRON IS MY ELVIS MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE END OF PHASE 2 SUBJECTIVE EVALUATION REPORT AND OBLIGATORY REVERSE-NUMERICAL RANKING aka OO, LOOK, A LIST

With Ant-Man marking the end of Phase 2, it’s time to RANK ALL OF THE MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE MOVIES.

It's remarkable now to think back to how we saw the teaser scene at the end of Iron Man. Surely they're not really going to make an Avengers movie...? That would be both ridiculously ambitious and almost too exciting for words. And yet here we are, 12 movies down the line. Just as they revolutionised comics in the 1960s, Marvel have changed the face of cinema and TV, for good or ill, with big-budget superheroes dominating the summer season and interconnected universes springing up all over the place. We almost take it for granted, but it's quite a remarkable achievement for a new film studio. And what's even more remarkable is the overall quality of MCU films – I like them all, to a greater or lesser extent, some with reservations, some with unfettered adoration. Perhaps I'm shockingly easy to please when it comes to comic-book cinema, but I don't think there's a proper stinker in the bunch. Of course, the downside of this is that they've achieved this consistency by arguably being somewhat formulaic – but get around this by smartly adapting the formula to different genres (sci-fi, heist, fantasy epic, thriller). 

The exact order here could change from day to day. Nonetheless, there are three distinct tiers of goodness (1–3 are wonderful; 4–8 are great, but imperfect; 9–12 are good, but have considerable issues). 

So here goes, from worst to best...

12 THE INCREDIBLE HULK 

Actually pretty strong and engaging thanks largely to Edward Norton's portrayal of Banner, but I deem this by far Marvel’s weakest effort, purely by virtue of the nigh-unwatchable and horribly overlong final battle’s grotesque, jarring, PS2 cut-scene CGI. Plus, while Eric Bana and Mark Ruffalo are both somewhat visible in their respective emerald personas, Norton and his Hulk seem like two different entities entirely. Norton conveys the sense of the monster in the man, but we never feel the man in the monster.

11 IRON MAN 2

Nowhere near as dire as I used to think, but still a confused, meandering film with an extremely weak and unnecessary mid-section. It took several repeat viewings before I began to remember anything that happened in this film. Not a good sign. But Johansson, Rourke, Gregg and Rockwell are an excellent supporting team.

10 THOR: THE DARK WORLD

This attracted quite a lot of scorn from fans, but I actually enjoyed it quite a lot. There’s much to dig here: the full-on Asgardian sci-fi-ness, the surprisingly comedic tone, Kat Dennings, the inventive final warp battle. The major downside, of course, is the criminal waste of Christopher Eccleston as blank-cypher baddie Malekith. And the fact that Anthony Hopkins is virtually unconscious throughout.

9 IRON MAN 3 

I’m still not sure why this movie is so reviled. The Mandarin was never this interesting in the comics… What I like about IM3 is precisely the fact that Iron Man isn’t in it much. I really like broken-down Stark in Spy Kids mode. On the downside, Downey's schtick does begin to grate a little and pre-makeover Guy Pearce's geeky loser is a little on the nose. However, it has some of the best sequences in any Iron Man movie – barrel of monkeys, the beach house assault, the Mandarin reveal – plus the best final battle of the trilogy.

8 ANT-MAN 

One of the more fun MCU films. Great characters, innovative action, snappy dialogue, good comedy beats, compelling father-daughter themes, nice MCU connectivity… I particularly like the fact that although Paul Rudd was theoretically the lead, he was very much overshadowed, both in performance and in the storyline, by Evangeline Lily and Michael Douglas. It felt like their movie. It was entertaining enough that I’m willing to overlook its flaws – the ethnic stereotype sidekicks, cookie-cutter bad guy, the wildly inconsistent nature of Ant-Man’s powers, the disregard for Judy Greer, the whiff of being an Iron Man retread, etc.

7 CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER 

Lots to like about this. A well-realised Cap in Chris Evans (though for me, he only came to fully inhabit the role in subsequent films), great period setting, enjoyable shifts in tone, Hayley Atwell in general, the Howling Commandos, Hugo Weaving chewing scenery… I find the pacing a little off though. A little too slow at some points, zipping forward via montage in others. And there’s no reason (except drama dictates) for him to crash into the ice. Go for that dance, you Star-Spangled fool…!

6 THOR 

Risky and preposterous it may have been, but Branagh's Thor is vastly enjoyable. Big in scope, from cosmic realms to small-town USA, funny, engaging characters, the MCU’s best villain yet, nudie Chris Hemsworth, Kat Dennings and a Kirby-design classic realised in the bloody Destroyer. Frankly, I’m not sure why it’s not higher.

5 IRON MAN

The original, yes, but not quite the best. While Downey Jr was made for this role, and almost everything about the film is note-perfect, tightly plotted and entertaining, the final battle is something of let down after everything that came before. Ending films is hard, clearly.

4 AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON 

I still haven’t managed a second viewing of this, but I did enjoy its immense sprawl, even if it was almost too much to take in at first glance. As a large-scale spectacle, far better than the first Avengers, but not quite as pacy or tightly written, nor does it quite have the absolutely bloody perfect moments of the first. And yes, it has some inexplicable Thor-in-a-pond nonsense. But it does have Ultron. And the Vision. And the Scarlet Witch. Eagerly awaiting the DVD…

(For a more on my feelings about this movie, go here: http://ultronismyelvis.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/avengers-age-of-ultron-spoiler-free.html)

3 GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Easily the funniest and most relentlessly entertaining of the MCU films, yet far from an empty piece of fluff. There’s a richness to the unabashed sci-fi world-building here that’s compelling and efficient. All of the main characters are fascinating and relatable in their own way, the music is great (and also a character), the visuals are just beautiful. Plus this has the best climax of any Marvel movie to date – when Quill says ‘You said it yourself, bitch– we’re the Guardians of the Galaxy’, it’s sarcastic but purposeful, triumphant but full of sadness too. Bloody masterful. Makes me want to both weep and kick down walls. If Guardians has a flaw, it’s that… come to think of it, it doesn’t. Blimey.

2 AVENGERS 

It’s difficult for me to fully express how excited I was prior to the release of Avengers. It felt like I’d been waiting almost 30 years for this film. And amazingly, it didn’t disappoint. I love pretty much everything about Avengers, start to finish, from Loki’s entrance to Natasha’s interrogation to ‘Shakespeare in the park’ and ‘I’m always angry’. Infinitely rewatchable.

1 CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

While Winter Soldier doesn’t quite have the rewatch factor and gung-ho entertainment value of the others in the top three, it is for me the most interesting, impressive and well-made MCU film yet. Chris Evans really comes into his own here, Anthony Mackie and Scarlett Johansson are excellent in their supporting roles, the themes are big, surprisingly subversive and have real-world resonance, and the events of the movie caused a massive shift in the status quo of the MCU (at least for a while). But arguably the biggest star is the action – this film features some of the best, most exquisitely choreographed fight scenes outside of The Raid, Ong-Bak or Enter the Dragon. A big 70s conspiracy thriller mixed with dystopian sci-fi and bone-breaking martial arts brilliance? Count me in.

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON – A spoiler-free review

Given the name of this blog, you may not be surprised to hear that I was somewhat excited about Age of Ultron. My all-time favourite villain, the Adamantium Jesus himself (or vibranium, in this case – damn you, Marvel/Fox legal wranglings), a character that has intrigued me for more than 30 years, appearing on cinema screens, voiced by an expert at playing creeps and sociopaths – and a sequel to one of my favourite comic-book movies of all time. There’s no way this could disappoint, right?

Right?

The most honest answer I could give is: I don’t *think* it did. It’s a little difficult to tell. It’s just so relentless. The opening moments of the film hurl you straight into a massive – and impressive – action set piece that leads, more or less directly, to the creation of Ultron himself. And once the Big Shiny Sexyboy arrives on the scene, surprisingly early on, we’re off. There are few opportunities to pause for breath as the peril mounts, the action spirals out of control, and things just become exceedingly, unashamedly comic-booky. There are several points that are not jump-the-shark moments per se, but which may push suspension of disbelief a little far for casual audiences. If you’re willing to go with it (and hell yes, I am), it’s a wild and wonderful ride.

However, this unbelievable sensory bombardment, over a prolonged period, leaves you reeling, and makes it difficult to determine exactly how well the film holds together. My instinct is to say ‘Really bloody well’, but then again I’m easily impressed by lots of bright colours and loud noises. It’s a long film, but never feels like it – Whedon packs in a hell of a lot of, well, everything. Quieter conversational moments may be few and far between, but that’s not to say that he skimps on character. Far from it. Rather, the team’s and their antagonists’ personalities are at the fore and drive the story.

The cast are outstanding, with no weak links in the core team (Renner gets much more to do this time), and a big impact made by Paul Bettany as the Vision and, of course, Spader as the bad bad robot. It doesn’t give anything away to say Spader’s interpretation was not quite what I expected, but he inhabits the role with much devilish glee.

A second viewing will be essential to unpack exactly how successful a film Age of Ultron is, but suffice to say that as a cinematic experience it’s massive, beautiful, funny and dangerously exciting. I’m not sure that it has quite the individual ‘Wow!’ moments that stood out from the original, but a) some of that may have been shock of the new; and b) maybe there are, but the pace, scale and scope of Age of Ultron doesn’t quite give you the space to appreciate them, as six more come along a second later. There are several shots and sequences straight out of George Perez’s wildest, most fat-packed dreams, which it’s impossible to unpack or even fully comprehend without a pause button. Essentially, it adds the unfettered, way-out comic-bookiness of Guardians of the Galaxy to the central Avengers concept, turns the dial way into the red zone. It makes the first film look as still and contemplative as a Jim Jarmusch joint.

THE LETTER ON HIS HEAD STANDS FOR 'ASS KICKED BY BATROC'

Good morning starshine… the Earth says hello. And it also bids you welcome to the cheap but chafing environs of the BARGAIN BASEMENT OF DOOOOOM. Inspired by the eye-scorching splendiferousness of last year’s best comic-book movie without a Yondu, The Winter Soldier, I’m keen to revisit a relatively unsung (and crucially, most bargainous) period of CAPTAIN AMERICA.

Must admit, Cap is a character I’ve often struggled with. As a brightly coloured, morally upright paragon of virtue, he seems too virtuous to be interesting, too confident to allow for drama, too sanctimonious to be sympathetic. And as a patriotic character draped in a flag, he rankles me intensely on a political, symbolic level too. Yet there’s something about this guy that I find fascinating… Maybe it’s precisely because on the surface he’s the most whitebread, tedious, mom-and-apple-pie North American superheroic power-fantasy cliché imaginable, that he inspires writers to excavate further and deeper, to explore what makes this flag-wearing relic tick. Not only is Captain America a man out of time, he’s also a fictional character out of time – this two-fisted patriotic icon was created in the 1940s, and arguably that’s where he belongs. On the other hand, as a living anachronism, he’s both a useful tool with which to reflect on our era and a periscope to the past.

In recent years, Brubaker and Millar and Hickman and Remender have done fantastic things with this character. And with the release of Avengers and his two solo films, he’s been elevated to an A-list cinematic protagonist too. But prior to his current super-cool espionage/sci-fi-based renaissance, he spent many years being pretty square. One of my personal favourite Cap runs sits squarely in this era, from #332–#350 (1987–1989). Here, Steve Rogers is forced by the US government to give up his alter-ego and is replaced by John Walker – who turns out to be a stronger, meaner, murderier Captain America. Penned by Mark Gruenwald, this storyline emerged in response to fans asking why Captain America couldn’t kill (a precursor to a similar exercise in Batman).

Walker was at first arguably even more patriotic and morally resolute than Rogers, but less psychologically stable. Over his 18-month stint behind the shield, he increasingly went off the rails, his trail of bodies dotted with members of the Watchdogs, Ultimatum and the Resistants, as well as Professor Power, and his old colleagues Left-Winger and Right-Winger (no, really). 

At the same time, Rogers established a new, red-white-and-black identity (simply ‘The Captain’) and assembled a small band of allies, exploring ways of fulfilling and defining his purpose without the backing of official status or nationalist symbolism.

As celebrated as this arc is, with some issues fetching quite a few pennies, the less lauded period preceding it is equally enjoyable. Mostly penned by Mark Gruenwald, with a few early issues by Mike Carlin, the run from #302 to #331 is full of gems. Here we get Cap entering into a then-final, most-definitely-ultimate-and-no-backsies showdown with the Red Skull; taking on my favourite pesky but ultimately honourable foot-fighting Frenchman Batroc, as well as his partners Zaran and Machete, as they succeed in stealing his shield; going up against the monstrous but tragic Armadillo; teaming up with Captain Britain to fight Mordru the Mystic; encountering the mischievous Madcap; and a undergoing a four-issue showdown with the super-soldier-creating Power Broker. Throughout this period, Cap is a slightly lost figure, often itinerant and struggling to hold down a job as artist for the Captain America comic – an awkwardly circular concept that has quite staggering potential for establishing a regrettable trajectory towards a storytelling dead-end.

There are four particularly notable highlights of this run. The first is the introduction and ongoing development of the Serpent Society as viable foes for Captain America. These snake-themed villains may be a little hokey in a post-Brubaker milieu, but I always dug ’em – they were a motley assortment, ranging from avaricious but basically benign thieves to merciless killers, united only by their belly-crawlin’ inspiration and a leader whose teleportation powers promised that they need never again fear incarceration. They bickered, they squabbled, gained and lost members, butchered MODOK, tried to turn Reagan into more of a reptile than he actually was, and remained a slithery, venomous thorn in Cap’s side for years. And when Kevin Feige recently announced that the third Cap film would focus on these slithering snakes, I was thrilled – after that, the real announcement, Civil War, was frankly anticlimatic. 

Secondly, the Scourge storyline, which had been threading through the Marvel universe for a while, came to a head in #319 and #320. Scourge of the Underworld, a nameless, faceless assassin, had been popping up in a whole range of titles, executing minor criminals deemed surplus to Marvel requirements and/or hugely embarrassing. In #319 he thins the herd by a dozen-and-a-half in the space of a couple of panels – and lo, the universe did weep for the unimaginable loss of Commander Kraken, Rapier, Megatak and Turner D. Century. 

Third, in #321 and #322, Cap comes into conflict with his polar opposite – the fairly self-explanatorily-named Flag-Smasher. This is a man who believes in the dissolution of all nations and is sworn to destroy their symbols – so guess who’s no. 1 on his list (after Captain Canuck, Shamrock and Ursa Major)? What’s interesting about this tale is that it leads to Cap being forced to kill for the first time in his history (although considering he was a soldier who fought Nazis in WWII, this always seemed like a faintly ludicrous conceit), and the ramifications would haunt him for years.

Fourthly, issues #323 and #327 introduce us to the Super-Patriot, a more reactionary, less nuanced take on the flag-draped hero concept, a younger, more powerful upstart keen to take over Cap’s place as the USA’s foremost star-spangled icon. And this is exactly what he does, though not in the way he anticipates – eventually taking over from Rogers after he’s forced to step down, kicking off the excellent Cap No More! arc alluded to above.

So what’s the point of all this? There was once a time when Cap wasn’t a cool, bad-ass violence-vendor tailor-made for high-octane action and deep espionage, but a somewhat stuffy and wholesome figure, slightly lost and bewildered in a world not his own, trying to maintain his firm, old-timey grasp of right and wrong in a more complex era. They’re compelling and entertaining, well written and solidly drawn (courtesy of Paul Neary, mostly), embodying a curious mix of the philosophical musings and encroaching grimness of the modern age with old-fashioned four-colour hokum. For every political metaphor, moral dilemma or massacre, there’s a lady with snakes for arms. Or a man who looks like an armadillo. Or a human pinball bouncing across a giant typewriter. Or, most importantly, a Batroc.

And everything with a Batroc is good.

(originally published on The Big Glasgow Comic Page)