THE HAND-JIVE OF DOOM

Our semi-regular geek cinema group watched the Corman FF film last night. And it's... certainly a film.

And whaddya know, the following morning the wonderful Fantasticast released their very own commentary episode (which I haven't heard yet, but I'm sure it's a blast...).

Made over a wet weekend in 1992 for roughly the price of a round down the Lamb & Flag (minus the Scampi Fries), Fantastic Four was rushed into being by producer Bernd Eichinger because his rights to the property were about to expire. Opinion varies as to whether he ever intended to release this thing (no pun intended), but certainly the cast and crew thought this was destined for a cinema release. Alas – or mercifully – it was pulled in advance of the premiere, and sealed in that massive warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark. For years only available on bootlegs from comic fairs, the film finally blossomed into being in the age of the internet, not quite gaining a cult following along the way.

On virtually all levels, it's a stinker. Painfully cheap, poorly thrown together, an ill-fitting mish-mash of styles, including some blatant homages to Burton's Batman films, cinematography that's questionable at best, poor action, shonky special effects, deeply unflattering costumes, dubious acting and a horrible '80s sheen all over everything.

OK guys, in this scene you're being tortured.
Look orgasmic, disgusted or bored. Up to you.

And yet... it's actually remarkably enjoyable. Not even necessarily in a so-bad-it's-good-way, either. The circumstances of its genesis mean you're willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. So what if Johnny Storm turns into a cartoon when he finally flames on? So what if the Thing looks like a gorilla made of sofa stuffing and his mouth is out of sync with his dialogue? So what if Dr Doom compensates for his face being hidden behind a mask by wildly overacting with his fingers? So what if Reed's powers are reduced to effectively duct-taping a glove to the end of a broomstick?

Reed Richards: godfather of the finglonger. 

There's an honesty and purity of intention that shines through the awfulness – you can sort of, if you squint, see what Corman and his crew were trying to do, but had neither the time nor the money (or possibly the talent) to even approximate it. True, some of it is just awful – e.g. the whole Jeweller character/side plot is abysmal – but there's some genuinely great stuff, too. In particular, every time Doom is on screen is a real treat, hand jive notwithstanding.

FOOLS!

The reason we watched this, of course, was as a precursor to Josh Trank's upcoming Fantastic Four. This film has, of course, been much reviled by geek communities throughout the multiverse. I'm still cautiously looking forward to this. While my excitement level for this movie is more of a simmer than a boil, the trailers have certainly not repulsed me in the way they have seemingly everyone else in the whole world. Quite the opposite, in fact.

The constant cries of 'It's nothing like the comics!' seem odd when it's clearly based heavily on the ultimate version of the team (the same universe that makes its influence felt pretty heavily in the MCU and the Fox X-Men films, incidentally). It's not that it isn't based on the comics, it's just based on comics that perhaps aren't the most fondly remembered by some fans. And that includes me – 'my' FF is Kirby/Lee, Byrne and Hickman, but I'm still interested in this take.

Another common criticism is that the FF is inherently goofy and wacky, and that Trank's 'gritty' take will be a massive departure from that. Putting aside the fact that it doesn't look that gritty to my eyes, I think this argument does the FF a disservice. The FF are an extremely mutable concept, able to handle all kinds of moods and modes. And the stories that made me connect with them as a kid were certainly not goofy, but pretty damn dark – in particular, Byrne's Psycho-Man/Hate-Monger/Malice saga was pretty disturbing to me. Fantastic Four, after all, is a book in which Doctor Doom at one point makes armour out of the skin of his dead lover.

The goofiness! 

What enables the FF to handle all kinds of stories is that they are a family. This is my big concern with Trank's movie. If he can get the interpersonal dynamics right, everything else will fall into place. If not, the whole thing will collapse. It's far too soon to say either way, but his work on Chronicle shows that he's very much character-driven.

Plus, my daughter is absolutely thrilled by the trailers and very excited to see it – which did provide a moment of horrifying clarity that perhaps the people making comic-book movies are not thinking primarily about 40-year-old obsessive geeks who get all upset if Alicia Masters wears the wrong type of cardigan, but are trying to take these characters to a new audience, a new generation.

Having said all that, reviews of the movie have been embargoed until the night of release, which probably means it's a sack of shite. We shall see.